Tormod's Questionable Idea
by GamberDragon
Summary: FE9/10 AU. In which Tormod has a not so bright idea of following Prof. Balberith and Sothe can't help but follow. On the side of crack here... XDD Giftfic for Lynnie!


**Tormod's Questionable Idea**

Volke: o.O Fire Emblem does not belong to GamberDragon. Thankfully.

Heather: What the hell…?

A/N: LATE birthday giftfic for the lovely Lynnie-Kleriker – aka, the Tormod to my Sothe. I love yoooo! Happy belated Birthday!

Ahem, I have never been inside a…er, you'll see later. But I have read about the interior of one such thing, so that's where I get this. -.-' You'll see.  
>A little on the shorter side, and for that I apologize!<p>

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><p>"I swear that man is out to get me." It was a blindingly bright day, forcing the two teenagers walking along main-street Nevassa to squint from the offending light. One of the boys – a short, redhead – held a bag of groceries in his hand; the other was a considerably taller greenette with a bookbag on his back.<p>

The greenette - being the first one to speak - was answered by his friend, "Sothe, that is the _third_ time you've said that this week...And it is just now Tuesday." The red head sounded just a little exasperated, but he was smirking in amusement anyway.

Sothe scowled slightly, "But he _is_. That man is evil."

"Why does no one ever believe me when I say that you whine?"

"Shut up, I have a right when the week starts as crappily as this one."

"Yeah, yeah. You should just set him on fire and stop complaining."

"I do believe that's a felony, Tormod."

"Eh, don't be boring."

The 'evil' man in question was non-other than their Biology teacher, Professor Izuka Balberith, the son of the devil himself. With circular glasses, a huge forehead, greasy hair, and a tendency to mumble to himself constantly, the man made for a creepy sight. And it didn't help his image that he was "always right" and an utter asshole.

Everyone hated him – excluding the suck-up Pelleas – but Sothe just happened to make everyone's hate look like adoration and love. "Stupid bastard. I bet not even his mother liked him." Said greenette growled to himself…Mostly.

Tormod just happened to hear, "You're being extraordinarily despising today." He pointed out cheerfully. "I suppose you have reason though; it wasn't like you could help when your computer decided to die."

"Exactly!"

The red-head was just about to say something else when he saw a curious sight out of the corner of his eye, "Speak of the devil."

Sothe groaned, "What?" even though he had an idea as to what his friend had just saw.

"You know who…But you don't wanna know where."

"What do you…?" the older boy trailed off, golden eyes widening in horror at the sight of their science teacher walking into a store called 'His Man'. Basically, a gay-man adult store. "Oh. My. Goddess." As the greenette proceeded to look scarred for life, Tormod got a dangerously curious glint in his red eyes.

When the shorter boy turned to the taller boy, Sothe cringed in slight nervousness, "Don't look at me like that."

"Let's go after him."

He had been expecting something like that, but he still spluttered, "WHAT?" Tormod was already heading towards the alleyway besides the shop, Sothe running after him, trying to change his mind. "We're not legally allowed in there, and there's no way your short ass is going to pass for 18!" the red-head sent a glare his friends way for the height jibe, "And, Tormod, a _PORN_ store? Why? Why?"

"Shut up, Sothe, I know you want to." He smirked, "Just pretend you're going in with that old dude that you fantasize about."

The greenette scowled, "You did not just say that." He paused, "And he's not _that_ old!"

"Ah, so you admit it."

"Shut up."

Tormod crouched down behind a dumpster that was placed beside 'His Man', Sothe gave him a bewildered look before shrugging and following his example. "So, uh, what are we doing?" The shorter male ignored him and set down his Wal-Mart bag, leaving Sothe to sigh and take off his book-bag.

When his friend took out a small, thin black tube, there was a small, awkward silence. "You carry around eyeliner in your pocket?" Tormod scratched his cheek, and then proceeded to take out an entire makeup bag from his orange hoodie.

Sothe stared at his friend, "You're gay."

"So are you."

"…Whatever." Which is Sotheinese for 'Touché'. "So how does makeup help us?"

The red-head sent him a grin, "Eyeliner makes everyone look older!" his smile turned a little malicious, "Now my _height challenge_ won't matter."

"Venomous much?"

Tormod ignored him in favor of attacking him with eyeliner, "Bottom is good…" the red-head murmured to himself, eyeing his friend like an artist does their canvas. "You would look good with gold eyeshadow…"

"Hell. No."

"That's too bad."

He finished up and grabbed a mirror to do himself (A/N: o.O'), moving the stick with frightening skill and precision (A/N: O.O). Sothe flinched at the imagery that the authoress shoved upon his mind (A/N: XDD) When Tormod was finished the two stood up, leaving their bags behind the nasty-smelling dumpster.

"Hold on." The red-head peeled off his juvenile-looking hoodie and revealed a rather skimpy tank-top.

Sothe raised a green brow, "You wore that to _school_? What if you had had to take of the sweatshirt?"

Tormod shrugged, "Hey, it didn't happen, right? Anyhow, I have to match your prostitute midriff shirt somehow, right?" he quickly walked around the side of the building as Sothe growled ominously at him. The two paused once they were in front of the paper-covered door, exchanging hesitant glances; then, the shorter one was pushing through the door and stepping into the air-conditioned inside.

The greenette couldn't stop his jaw from dropping at the sight of a rather vulgar view of a…Toy stand. Were those sizes even realistic? Tormod passively passed by the stand and crouched down behind a tower of condoms, peering around it at something. Sothe joined him to find out what, cringing when he saw that it was Izuka. Not just that, no life was too evil to leave it at that, it was Izuka with a bright, hot-pink _thong_. Tormod gagged and Sothe felt a little bile in the back of his throat before he swallowed harshly.

"I didn't need to see that. I didn't need to see that. Oh goddess I didn't need to see that." Sothe whispered to himself, sounding a little manic. In response, his friend punched him on the arm, making a shushing noise.

They stupidly continued watching. Tormod and Sothe could only stare, helplessly horrified, as Valtome –their study hall teacher - appeared out of nowhere, two cock rings in his hand. Sothe felt his soul leaving him. Tormod gave a silent scream when Izuka grabbed the effeminate man's ass and stood up hastily, running in the general direction of the back of the store. Sothe would have followed him, but he couldn't find the strength in his legs to move; instead he shut his eyes and desperately tried to forget that he had ever seen that.

It was only after Valtome and Izuka left that Sothe stumbled to his feet and hurried to look for his red-haired friend. He was in the costume section, hiding behind a rack of leather bondage outfits; Sothe pushed aside a cat-outfit and slipped in to sit beside the other teenager. "Why did you think this was a good idea?"

Tormod – whose face was currently pressed into his knees – said nothing, just continued trembling in fear. Sothe took pity on him – feeling more than a little shaken himself – and stopped his inquisitiveness, huddling in on himself as well.

"Sothe…" the younger boy whispered. Said greenette hummed in response and Tormod continued, "Do you want to go out for a burger?"

The elder was silent for a short while – considering if his stomach could take any food at the moment – then sighed, "Sure."

About thirty minutes later, and an almost encounter with the violet-eyed store owner and his blue-haired lover, the two teenagers found themselves at Greil's. It was a rather popular place for both locals and bikers alike. Sothe slipped into his seat across from Tormod, two shakes in hand – it was a hot day after all – and passed one of them to his best friend.

They were both considerably calmer now, Sothe happy with his banana/strawberry shake, and Tormod happy to stare off at a leather-clad hot guy. After the greenette had a little over half of his frozen treat and the red-head's prey had left on his black Harley, they looked at each other.

Sothe grimaced, "So what have we learned from this?"

"Never follow teachers into porn stores?" he paused, his older friend nodding, and then added, "Unless they're hot teachers. Then stalk the hell out of them."

"Oh geez."

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><p>AN: I don't even know why this story took a turn for the insane. I'm sorry Lynnie! XDD I was in an odd mood. Hope you like it anyway! -.-'


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